Lichfield constituents petition the PM to give Michael Fabricant peerage to get rid of him

Posted on November 29, 2018

Following Prime Minister Theresa May’s drive to garner support for her defunct Brexit Withdrawal Agreement by bestowing honours on potential supporters, Lichfield voters are petitioning for their MP to be made a Lord as soon as possible.

Burntwood health service worker Paul Mycock started the movement, he explained:

‘After the death this week of Conservative peer Baroness Trumpton and the knighthood of Tamworth MP Christopher “Bottom” Pincher, I conceived a plan that would rid us of our truculent member, a plan that his ego would find irresistible.

‘If we could persuade the PM offer him a peerage in return for his vote Fabricant would be unable to resist then he’d have to resign as our MP. Result. What a win win solution for all concerned.’

Not everyone is so enthusiastic about the premature ejaculation of Mr Fabricant into the upper echelons of British society. Long-time friend Andy Street is West Midlands Mayor. He said:

‘The plan was that when my term as Mayor ends in 2020, it would be general election time under the fixed term Parliament. Mike would retire and I would stand as candidate for Lichfield MP. Well, that was the plan, who knows when the next election will be now thanks to the incompetence of Mrs May.
‘But one thing’s for sure, if Mike becomes a Lord in the next few months I’m out of the game.
‘And that’s a shame, I’ve had my eye on Mike’s seat for years.’

Mr Fabricant was unavailable for comment as we went to press as he was trapped in a lift by Conservative Whips in a dummy run for 11 December.