Month: October 2016

Lichfield man hospitalised by successful Sengalese trader in Tenerife 

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An early winter break has been ruined for a Lichfield man when he collapsed in a beach bar after witnessing a successful sale by an illegal street vendor.image

Paul Mycock, 46, was on an all-expenses paid charity fact-finding trip to Tenerife funded by Lichfield Round Table when the incident occurred. His wife Paula spend two days of her all-inclusive holiday at Paul’s hospital bedside, she commented:

‘We’ve been coming to Tenerife for many years, sometimes at our own expense, but we’ve never seen anything like this before.

‘We were sitting in a beach bar watching the usual procession of vagrant Senegalese illegal street traders trying to force their shite on elderly Brits when Paul suddenly grabbed my arm and said “Look, I think someone’s just bought a fake Louis Vuitton handbag from that guy.”

‘Next thing I know, Paul clutches his chest and collapses, taking our table to the ground with him. I was beside myself, a full jug of Sangria into the sand, clumsy bastard.’

Paul has now made a full recovery and is enjoying the last few days of their holiday, he said:

‘It’s been such a stressful few days, no sooner had we arrived in Tenerife than we were alerted by The Daily Express to PANIC in the streets as the volcanic island was set to explode. We had to fight our way through hoards of drunken pensioners sunning themselves, indifferent to the imminent threat of annihilation, to our hotel in the foothills of Mount Teide.

‘Then the next day to be confronted by the sight someone actually voluntarily buying something from one of these beach gypsies, it just blew a valve. I’m lucky to be alive to be honest.

‘The usual custom around here is to politely suggest to the traders that that they just “Vete a la miedra.”’