Month: August 2017

Lichfield Bus Station to get a new shopping trolley bay

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Lichfield District Council Planning Committee has approved plans this evening (21 August) for a new shopping trolley bay in the middle of the bus station car park.

Local supermarket shopper Pawelek Mycock welcomed the decision, he said:

‘I welcome the decision, many a time I have had to struggle down from Tesco to catch the bus with half a dozen carrier bags stuffed with discounted loaves on a Sunday afternoon. I’ll be able to take a trolley now and park it in the new bay. It’ll work great with bags full of rancid fruit and vege on the night as well.’

The planning application was submitted by Friarsgate virtual developer U+I Group, its deputy CEO and Leader of Lichfield District Council Richard Upton commented:

‘We could see an immediate need to support the local community and provide a safe drop off point for stolen supermarket trollies where your Erdington grooming gangs could deposit unconscious Lichfield girls before catching the train home.

‘Anyone who suggests that this planning application is a cynical move to give the impression that we are pressing ahead with our development plans is mistaken. We already did that when we closed Tempest Ford, threw 24 workers out of a job prematurely and created a derelict site at the City gateway.

‘And just to be on the safe side we’ve submitted another application to move around some parking spaces.’

Friarsgate Shopping Center is expected to open to the public in Spring 2030. 

“Remove Samuel Johnson statue,” demand Lichfield students

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Students and academic staff from South Staffs University’s Lichfield campus will gather in the City’s Market Square to demand the removal of the statute of Dr Samuel Johnson during freshers week in September.

The “Sam Must Fall” collective describes itself as “a movement of failed A Level students and staff who can’t find employment at a proper university mobilising for direct action against the reality of male white supremacy and privilege in Lichfield.”
Taxi driver Paul Mycock is Head of Philosophy at the college, he said:
‘Samuel Johnson is famous for his Dictionary which, like everyone else, I have never read. Many people consider that Lichfield’s favourite son was intelligent and objective but his work is littered with undertones of the man’s bias in favour of male white privilege.’
Sophie Merchant achieved one A-Level pass grade E* in Business Studies on the second attempt which has secured her a place on the Entrepreneurship BA course at the city’s University, she commented:
‘I can’t wait to get started at Uni and what better way to break the ice with fellow students and staff than to march on the City centre and demolish a statue of some old white bloke who could read and write. What a bastard. 
‘I’ll probably go down Scales afterwards til 4am, then back to a lecturer’s flat for a shag if I’m lucky. Can’t wait!’
The “Sam Must Fall” call has gained momentum in recent days and has received support from non-students from other parts of the West Midlands. Unemployed bike thief Errol Flynn lives in Erdington but is a regular visitor to Lichfield, he said:
‘It’s about time the youth of Lichfield grew a pair and started causing some trouble. I’ve been coming up here on the train for the past couple of years on the rob, the only agro we get is when we put our feet up on the train seats. The lads are all pusssies and the fat girls are gagging for it, I’ve turned to a spot of grooming outside school gates recently but it goes a bit quiet during the holidays. 
‘I’ve never heard of this Johnson bloke but he was obviously a twat, so me and me mulatto mates will be there on the day to bring that statue down. If its a late one and we miss the last train back, no worries, we’ll just hot wire a BSARA residents Beemer and we’ll be home in time to sign on. Sorted.’
Lichfield Campus will be holding an Open Day for prospective objectors on 21 September at 6pm.