Tamworth Street

Beerbohm “beery farts” blamed for recent spike in Lichfield greenhouse gas emissions

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Beerbohm
A spike in recorded greenhouse gas emissions in Lichfield has been attributed to an increase in beery farts in Beerbohm on Tamworth Road during the recent heatwave. The bespoke bar, specialising in craft and continental ales, is frequented predominantly by MPs and bearded obese men with relationship issues.

The popular hostelry was opened in 2015 by Wendy and that bloke she married, she said:

‘Running a craft ale house carries an inherent risk of attack from climate change activists. Admittedly the build-up of greenhouse gases expelled by our crusty-arsed beery farting customers doesn’t help our environmental credentials.
‘But we have tried to mitigate the climate impact of as far as possible – promoting salty seaweed crisps, installing an improved manure collection system and keeping the windows closed in all but the hottest weather.’

Disgraced former Friary School swimming teacher Paul Mycock is a regular, he said:
‘I’m a regular. I retired from teaching in 2009, although for some reason I’m still on the register.
‘I’ve been an admirer of Wendy for many years, following her from Derby, to Stoke and then on to the Duke of York. And, sometimes, I’ve even followed her home.
‘I’m here most days, eating my Greggs meal deal, washed down with three pints of Vedett IPA – a refreshing, hoppy and complex beer with fruity, floral and green aromas underpinned by citrusy flavours, with a mild bitter taste and a long, dry finish.
‘As you can probably smell….Excuse me…’

The bar takes its name from Henry Maximilian Beerbohm who was born in London in 1876.  He was an essayist, parodist and caricaturist but really first became known as a drunken misogynist in the 1890’s. Oscar Wilde said of him “The gods have bestowed on Max the gift of perpetual flatulence.” A theme embraced by the regulars of the eponymous bar to this day.

The bar has proven popular with local celebrity and former MP Michael Fabricant, a regular crafty imbiber of Barbar Blonde and Chimay Blue. Wendy said:

‘A guy came in the other evening, he asked “Do you serve Old Peculiar?”, quick as a flash I quipped, “Yes, Mike’s sitting upstairs.”
MF Beerbohm
Wendy is here all week, except for Sundays and Bank Holiday Mondays. She doesn’t like making too much money. Which is just as well as tariffs on the import of continental beers post-Brexit will probably force the bar to close. Cheers Mike!