Lichfield Garrick

Lichfield Garrick’s ticketing process “pants” claims Tom Jones promoter

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Controversy has hit Lichfield’s Garrick theatre as it emerged that its ‘enhanced ticketing protocol’ was inadvertently invoked for the recent sell-out concert by Sir Tom Jones.

Thousands of people attended the LichVegas event in Beacon Park which was marred by ticketing problems that saw multiple duplicate tickets issued by the Garrick which was running the box office for events organiser TinyCOW.

Lichfield based Lee O’Hanlon of TinyCOW commented:

‘Confusion and delays on the door were caused when it became apparent that duplicate tickets had been issued. Fans were disappointed to have their “keepsake” tickets confiscated as we had to retain them as evidence against the Garrick.

‘We’ve been pressing the Garrick for an explanation but so far none has been forthcoming.’

However 5SL has been contacted by a disgruntled Garrick employee with an axe to grind who wishes to remain anonymous. Box office manager Paul Mycock disclosed:

‘This was a cock-up by the Garrick. It was clear from the outset that Tom’s concert would be a sell-out but someone here inadvertently initiated the ‘enhanced ticketing protocol’ in the box office software.’

Mr Mycock explained:

‘It is well known that The Garrick has traditionally been the venue of choice for third-rate acts and productions.

‘The nadir was ‘An Evening with Michael Fabricant’ when it became apparent that only a handful of Jonathan Hall’s immediate family would actually buy a ticket. The protocol was created –  all tickets bought would generate ten duplicate free tickets.  These were left on tables in The Malt and stuck in copies of The Big Issue by local salesman Gobby Scouse. This produced a respectable turnout, albeit an audience comprised of drunks and vagabonds.

‘This ticketing protocol was mistakenly invoked for Sir Tom and chaos ensued.’

Garrick head of marketing Alex Lloyd refused to comment on this specific case as it was in the hands of their solicitors, but he did say:

‘Multiple ticketing can work well for some unpopular events. Almost twenty members of the audience are now paying for their seats at the monthly Comedy 42 events.’

Sir Tom Jones has been made aware of the controversy but after surviving decades of industry scams he commented :

‘It’s not unusual.’


Lichfield District Council encourage increase in parking in Beacon Street area

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Beacon Street area free car parking scheme (LichfieldLive)

Lichfield District Council has drawn up proposals to increase car parking in Beacon Street and surrounding residential areas.

A report to Lichfield District Council has suggested increasing the town centre car parking costs and encouraging drivers to park in nearby residential streets free of charge.

The council could see a rise of around £2.15m per year if a parking charge of £10 per hour were to be introduced. This takes into account loss of revenue from visitors who would seek to avoid the charges by parking in Cherry Orchard and the BSTARDS occupied territory.

The council will also seek to increase the hours of charge, extending them to 8pm. A council spokesman said:

‘A seemingly modest extension of the time will in fact catch most people who will come into the city for an early evening dinner reservation or a show We hope that the increase in revenue will more than cover the council’s financial commitment to the Garrick.’

The report to the local authority also said:

‘We also recommend upgrading ticketing machines so that they can record the whole of a vehicle registration number thereby increasing the chance of customer default by an incorrect input. However we do suggest retaining the machines inability to dispense change or to accept coins that were minted post-1995.’

BSTARDS interferer-in-chief, Mr S Sprite, 98, was uncharacteristically unavailable for comment having temporarily lost all control of his bodily functions on hearing the news.


Lichfield businessman announces partnership with Jesus this Christmas

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Jesus joint venture deal done

A local knife and fork salesman has confirmed that he will be sponsoring Jesus Christ in Lichfield this Christmas.

Arthur Price CEO Vincent Price said:

‘Christmas is an extra special time, especially  for those of us with a raging God-complex. This joyous season presents numerous opportunities for self-promotion. With the assistance of the Very Very Rev’d Adrian Dorber, Dean of Lichfield, I can announce that I will be partnering Jesus Christ himself this year.

‘When Adrian told me that he had a direct line to God I explained that I had no need to contact Fabricant again. But this new partnership is a truly remarkable deal and will give Jesus a real boost in his marketing profile. Together we will welcome people to the vast array of festive events at which I will be photographed handing over cheques.’

The Cathedral Christmas tree is the focus of various events, including the To Be A Light and St Giles Hospice Light up a Life services. In previous years other local celebrities have make charitable contributions to the Tree. In 2013 local member Michael Fabricunt donated his hair piece during the Parliamentary recess.

The self-effacing spoon polisher is no stranger to sponsorship in his inexorable rise to deity-like status. In the summer Mr Price announced his company’s agreement with the Lichfield Garrick Theatre to top up the £360,000 generously donated by the poor, old and sick of Lichfield and Burntwood to support the artistic pretensions of Darwin Park residents.

Vincent Price with Harry Hill and Albert Steptoe

Vince said:

‘I have been delighted by the pictures of me and Garrick artistic director Harry Hill that appeared in the local media. We have a packed program for the new season, I’m especially looking forward to “The Life and Times of Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley” and later in the year, “The Addams Family: The Musical”.’

Pain in the neck

Christmas giving started early again this year at Arthur Price. In October the cutlery and giftware firm announced a sale in support of the “We Love Lichfield” Fund. Mr Price explained:
‘The idea is simple, in October we increase our prices by 10% and then if customers buy from our factory outlet during November we donate £10 for every sale over £100 to this fantastic local cause.’

Ten pounds raised for We Love Lichfield

“We Love Lichfield” offers grants of up to £1,000 in time for Christmas. Mr Price, a patron of the charity, he continued:

‘The fund helps support young entrepreneurs who can’t yet afford to be as ostentatiously charitable and well-dressed as myself. Do you like my moleskin jacket by the way? Come on, give it a feel.’

The Utterly Rev’d Doombar commented:

‘It wasn’t an easy deal to negotiate, Jesus was reluctant at first, fearing that he would be overshadowed by Vincent in the selfless giving stakes. I think that it was the complimentary set of stainless steel fish knives that swung it. Amen.’