Joe Pesci

Lichfield councillor Joseph Powell to challenge city MP for buffoonery title

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Lichfield District Cllr Joseph Powell, who represents Little Aston and Stonnall has launched his campaign to become Conservative Party parliamentary candidate for the 2020 election.

Cllr Powell commented:

‘I have long admired the hilarious antics of our upright Member, Fabricuntio the Clown MP, but he will be over 70 years of age by the next election so I expect that he will be looking to hand over the title of Lichfield “Buffoon-in-Chief” to a worthy successor. I nominate myself for that important civic role and I’m delighted to report that many locals will wholeheartedly endorse the nomination.’

Joey Powell
Joey Powell

Since the local elections in May 2015 the previously anonymous Cllr Powell has begun to garner publicity for his ever more eccentric world views. His intervention in a debate on Council spending, broadcast live on Twitter by international news agency LichfieldLives, cast doubts on the politician’s sanity.

Justifying the £16,000 per year spend on the Chairman’s luxury chauffeur-driven Jaguar XF Cllr Powell explained:

‘It’s important that we make it clear that the car isn’t used for just having drinks and nice meals.

We use it for lots of very useful meetings with homosexuals. Castle Ring is lovely at this time of year don’t you think?’

Clownage is more evolution than revolution admits Cllr Powell:

‘After that Council meeting we retired to The Malt Bar, Lichfield’s premier disabled toilet venue. Council Leader Mike Wilcox was not chuckling that night, claiming that there was definitely something funny about me, but I challenged him:

‘You mean, let me understand this … cuz I … maybe it’s me, maybe I’m a little fcuked up maybe. I’m funny how? I mean funny, like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? Whattya you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

‘And then it suddenly dawned on me, there’s a precedent right here in the local Conservative party for clowns. Surely Michael Fabricant can’t go on forever, especially if he continues sunbathing. That could be me, I could be the next Clown of Lichfield.’

Cllr Powell’s ascension to clowndom has continued this week but, as with all clowns, there is something of the night about him.

Paying an uncomfortable amount of attention to newly elected young councillors. Joey jested:

‘The future of the Conservative Party in Lichfield and Burntwood is in excellent hands – mine.

‘The election of handsome young-gun Ben Rayner and those two lovely ginger girls is a real breath of fresh air,’ enthused the halitosisly challenged councillor.

‘There is a picture gallery going to back to 1898 at the council and the first three or four photos shows a group of male politicians with a solitary lady. Now that’s what I call a party. Is that Dolphin Square in the background?’

Labour opposition group leader Sue Norman has called on Cllr Powell to desist from making any further comments likely to bring the Council into disrepute.

‘If he doesn’t shut up I’ll start a petition,’ Cllr Norman threatened.

‘Well, with just four elected representatives,’ Cllr Powell retorted hilariously, ‘it means that I don’t need to listen to a single word that the Labour Party has to say.’

MP's answer to cuts in child benefits
MP’s answer to cuts in child benefits

Michael Fabricant is currently enjoying a three month summer holiday, starting off with a visit to the US to attend the annual convention of Clowns International. He said:

‘If Powell stands I will have no alternative but to step aside. Joey is a genuine buffoon, I wouldn’t stand a chance.’