Boundary Commission

Police appeal for help to trace missing Lichfield District Council

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Staffordshire Police is appealing for the help of the public to trace a District Council from Lichfield.

Lichfield District Council was last seen functioning in the Lichfield area in the run up to local and parliamentary elections in May 2015. It was reported missing to Staffordshire Police after it failed to attend the annual meeting with Bromford Housing Association on February 28.

Meeting Room
Full Council meeting with Bromford Housing Association

Former Council leader Cllr. Mike Wilcox said:

‘I have been concerned about the Council’s erratic behaviour for some time, it’s not the first time that it’s gone missing. Like any loving parent I’ve ranted and raved when it’s gone AWOL but it makes no difference. I’ve tried emailing and making appeals on local and social media, but nothing.’

Equally concerned is Lichfield Chain Gang chairman Cllr. Sir Kenneth Dodd, he said:

‘I was only going to one civic event this year in my council tax payers’ chauffeur driven limousine, imagine my disappointment when the Council snubbed the event. It is with huge regret and a heavy heart that my one and only civic event of the year has had to be cancelled.’

Sir Kenneth Dodd
Cllr. Sir Kenneth Dodd: ‘Is it me?’

Cllr. Dodd added that he still hoped to raise some money for Free Spirit charity by raffling off prizes that had already been donated.

‘I’m literally flogging a dead horse,’ he exclaimed.

Investigating officer Insp Paul Mycock, based at Lichfield’s virtual reality police station, said:

‘If anyone has seen Lichfield District Council, or has any information which they think could help us to find it, I would urge them to contact us as soon as possible.

‘LDC, if you see this appeal, please get in touch to let us know that you are safe and well.’

The Local Government Boundary Commission was already considering to proposals to reduce the number of district councillors from 47 to 13 to reflect the pathetic extent of councillor engagement in representing their constituents.

FiveSpiresLive has not attempted to contact anyone for comment.

Boundary Commission: ‘Ditch Burntwood not Whittington,’ pleads Lichfield MP

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The leader of Whittington’s Amish community and chair of the so-called Green Party’s Lichfield branch, Bishop Rob-Boy Pass has backed calls for the Boundary Commission to rethink plans to move Whittington into the Tamworth constituency.

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“I agree with everything that Fabricant says”

Bishop Pass, 15, who stood for the Amish Greens at the last general election, said:

‘The plan to remove Whittington from the Lichfield constituency is mindless and insensitive. Our community has historic connections with Lichfield. For example, our Church is often visited by venerable theologians who walk over from their new apartments at the Lichfield Friary. On market days our men folk will walk their livestock from the homestead to Lichfield, along the ancient byways connecting our communities, to be slaughtered by Walter Smith.’

He added:

‘This proposed change would sever a link that goes back centuries and break apart a long-standing commune.’

The Boundary Commission proposal to ditch Whittington and Streethay were originally described by Lichfield MP Michael Fabricant as “excellent”. However, having had an opportunity to review the options during the consultation period, he said:

‘Now that HS2 has received the Royal Assent continued resistance from constituents in Whittington and Streethay should now subside.  Whilst I would welcome the removal of the Mad Monk’s commune from my kingdom, many residents of Whittington and Streehay remain sycophantic followers of my Twitter account.’

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Michael Fabricant removes parts of Rob-Boy’s Tree House

Mr Fabricant and his representative on Earth, the holy Jonathan Hall, recently attended a meeting with the Boundary Commission. The MP explained:

‘Our proposal was to retain the Conservative voting Whittington and Streethay in exchange for Burntwood and North Lichfield, home of the Dimblites. This makes perfect sense as they are already beyond the Wall and are of no interest to me anyway.’

Burntwood Labour counsellor Sue Norman commented:

‘For once I find myself in agreement with Michael Fabricant, good riddance.

‘I think I’ll start a petition.’

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“I agree with everything Michael Fabricant says”

 

Lichfield driver amazed that Streethay is unchanged after 4 month road closure

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A Lichfield driver has expressed amazement after his first journey through Streethay for almost four months. The A5127 Burton Road was reopened at the weekend following a four month closure to allow construction works to take place. 


Derby based accountant Paul Mycock said:

‘The road closure has caused havoc with my daily commute, adding over 3,500 miles to my travel over the summer. Imagine my surprise driving through Streethay again today for the first time in months, not a thing has changed. 

‘Four months of construction works, miles of diversions and traffic congestion and nothing, absolutely nothing to show for it. At the very least I was expecting to see a new leisure complex complete with a twenty-screen cinema and luxury marina.

‘And it’s not like I could have missed it, I was in stationary traffic for fifteen minutes waiting at the temporary traffic lights.’

For Streethay residents the road closure has provided welcome relief from the constant noise of through traffic. Local resident Frank Angryman said:

‘It has been a peaceful summer, especially as no noticeable construction work has taken place. Now we are looking forward to full scale work getting going on the new housing and industrial developments which will hopefully be completed in time for HS2 works to carve up the county.’
Local MP Michael Fabricant was asked to comment, he said:
‘Streethay?’
The Boundary Commission 2018 boundary change proposals can be found  Here

Lichfield MP welcomes Boundary Commission changes

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The Boundary Commission has drawn up plans to move Whittington and Streethay from the Lichfield constituency into the neighbouring Tamworth electoral area.

The proposal was branded as “excellent news” by Lichfield MP Michael Fabricant.
He said:

‘This will considerably reduce my workload. It will, at a stroke, remove all of those Whittington golfers whinging on about HS2 carving through their clubhouse and golf course. In addition I will no longer have to pretend to be interested in the local objections to the new residential and commercial developments in Streethay and its associated traffic problems. What’s not to like?’

Tamworth Conservative MP Chris Pincher says that the changes will bolster his parliamentary majority. He commented:

‘I welcome all former Lichfield Conservative voters into our Birmingham sink town constituency. I am sure that my objections to HS2 in 2010 that were instrumental in shifting the route out from Hopwas and Mile Oak and straight through Whittington Heath Golf Club have long since been forgotten.’

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Less impressed is Robert Past, leader of Whittington’s Amish community and current chair of the so-called Green Party’s Lichfield and Burntwood branch. Speaking from the Tree House at the bottom of his parents’ garden the 15 year old firebrand said:

‘The Boundary Commission’s plan to remove Whittington from the Lichfield constituency is mindless and insensitive. Our weekly journey for essential provisions by pony and trap will take an extra three hours if we have to shop with the peasants at Tamworth Asda. This will be a real burden on our women folk especially in winter.’

Another consequence of the boundary changes will be the loss of Lichfield Trent Valley station from the constituency. MP Mr Fabricant has been taking up the matter of disabled access to the split level platforms with ministers for a number of years, he said:

‘Thank goodness I won’t be held responsible for this project when it’s kicked into the long grass again for another ten years. But as a regular rail traveller who is becoming increasingly infirm this is a real concern for Lichfield constituents. I will certainly be lobbying the MP responsible, Chris Pincher of Tamworth, to hold ministers to account.’

Mr Fabricant is widely expected to stand down as Conservative candidate for Lichfield MP before the next election in favour of his long term friend, West Midland’s Mayor Andy Street.

People have until December 5 to give their views on the proposed boundary changes via the online consultation website.