Stowe Field earmarked for new gypsy site following Bishop of Lichfield’s Lent Appeal

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Stowe Field has been earmarked as a permanent gypsy and traveller site following the intervention of the Bishop of Lichfield in his Lent Appeal. Set against the backdrop of Lichfield Cathedral and bordering Stowe Pool, Stowe Field has been identified as an ideal site by Tamworth Borough Council.

stowe-camp

Cllr Robert Prickhard, 15, deputy leader of Tamworth Borough Council, commented:

‘Lichfield has just taken an enormous dump on Tamworth by swamping us with a planning consent for 1,000 houses on land at Arkall Farm. So in response we have invited Lichfield to accommodate the gypsies, Tamworth no longer has space. Stowe Field will be an ideal location.’

Tamworth’s case is supported by the Bishop of Lichfield, the Right Revd Dr Michael Ipcress. In his Lent Appeal the Bishop said:

‘I appeal to you to open your hearts and wallets in generosity as we focus on the needs of refugees and asylum seekers, strangers, aliens and even gypsies and travellers, certainly all people made in the image of God.’

Bishop Michael urged the local community to remember St Chad, the first Bishop of Lichfield who died on March 2, 672. He explained:

‘Chad was a Northumbrian, but the people to whom he came as bishop in Lichfield in 669 were Mercians. In a very real sense Chad was coming not to his own people, but to enemy territory where he could have been suspected, possibly resented, even hated. Just like the gypsies.

‘It is a fitting solution to Tamworth’s problems that the new encampment be located at Stowe Field, in the shelter of Lichfield Cathedral and in sight of St Chad’s own church.’

One of the travelling community’s leaders Paul Mycock commented:

‘Stowe Field would be an ideal location, having bathing facilities in Stowe Pool and easy access to the public disabled toilets at Malt and Faro Lounge – for those of us who prefer not to defecate in the kiddies play area.’

Bishop Michael added:

‘God and I commended Cllr Prickhard’s proposal to Lichfield District Council, not least because we live in Shrewsbury.’

On Saturday (March 4) the Community of St Chad will hold its annual service of commitment at St Chad’s Church in Lichfield at 11am, where Bishop Michael will preach.

FiveSpiresLive has not approached anyone for comment.

Boundary Commission: ‘Ditch Burntwood not Whittington,’ pleads Lichfield MP

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The leader of Whittington’s Amish community and chair of the so-called Green Party’s Lichfield branch, Bishop Rob-Boy Pass has backed calls for the Boundary Commission to rethink plans to move Whittington into the Tamworth constituency.

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“I agree with everything that Fabricant says”

Bishop Pass, 15, who stood for the Amish Greens at the last general election, said:

‘The plan to remove Whittington from the Lichfield constituency is mindless and insensitive. Our community has historic connections with Lichfield. For example, our Church is often visited by venerable theologians who walk over from their new apartments at the Lichfield Friary. On market days our men folk will walk their livestock from the homestead to Lichfield, along the ancient byways connecting our communities, to be slaughtered by Walter Smith.’

He added:

‘This proposed change would sever a link that goes back centuries and break apart a long-standing commune.’

The Boundary Commission proposal to ditch Whittington and Streethay were originally described by Lichfield MP Michael Fabricant as “excellent”. However, having had an opportunity to review the options during the consultation period, he said:

‘Now that HS2 has received the Royal Assent continued resistance from constituents in Whittington and Streethay should now subside.  Whilst I would welcome the removal of the Mad Monk’s commune from my kingdom, many residents of Whittington and Streehay remain sycophantic followers of my Twitter account.’

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Michael Fabricant removes parts of Rob-Boy’s Tree House

Mr Fabricant and his representative on Earth, the holy Jonathan Hall, recently attended a meeting with the Boundary Commission. The MP explained:

‘Our proposal was to retain the Conservative voting Whittington and Streethay in exchange for Burntwood and North Lichfield, home of the Dimblites. This makes perfect sense as they are already beyond the Wall and are of no interest to me anyway.’

Burntwood Labour counsellor Sue Norman commented:

‘For once I find myself in agreement with Michael Fabricant, good riddance.

‘I think I’ll start a petition.’

suewoodward-bus
“I agree with everything Michael Fabricant says”

 

‘Lichfield councillors can barely read briefing papers,’ claims Council’s special educational needs officer.

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Lichfield District Council Employment Committee met this evening (Thursday 9 February) to consider a report by officers pleading for elected members to avail themselves of training opportunities. 


The annual Learning and Development Needs Analysis form has proven to be too challenging for almost half of Lichfield councillors to complete and return. Human Resources manager Katie Salter was unavailable for comment, she said:
‘At first I thought they were arrogant, egotistical idiots, but now I fear that many members just use bluster and buffoonery as a cover for severe learning disabilities. We are an equal opportunities employer but please, really? Twenty-eight so-called community leaders who can’t fill in a simple form?’

Cllr. Paul Mycock (Lichfield Scales and Spoons), said:
‘Training and continuing education? Give me a break. I wouldn’t need to understand all that rubbish if those ponsey polytechnic losers in the council office did their jobs properly. I enjoy a pies and bars as much as the next guy but I can’t be doing with all these graphs and facts and figures.’
Other councillors claim to have taken full advantage of training opportunities. Burntwood’s celebrity granny Cllr. Sue Norman, she said:
‘As an active member of the Audit Committee I am responsible for overseeing the council’s financial performance. After months of valuable training I am now able to evaluate complex financial reports and recommendations, if they contain graphics in primary colours, are well formatted and run to less than two pages then they get my vote.
‘And IT training has been great, don’t get me started on online petitions! I’ve just knocked one out against HSBC if you’d like to sign up.’
The Lichfield officer’s report on councillor educational needs is available Here 

Lichfield MP’s doctor confirms that Conservatives ‘talk out of their arses’

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A local GP who referred Lichfield MP Michael Fabricant to a consultant proctologist has hit out at the Conservative government.

The Cloisters Medical Practice GP and chair of the  Royal College of General Practitioners, Helen Stokes-Lampard told ITV’s ‘Peston on Sunday’ this morning that doctors felt ‘demoralised and shocked’ by what many see as them being scapegoated for the crisis in the NHS. She said:

‘The Conservative government’s plan to force surgeries to open seven days a week,  8am to 8pm or suffer funding cuts is clearly preposterous. The current NHS crisis is a reflection of a service that is already cut beyond the bone.’

Lichfield patients, who are already facing long delays in securing appointments with their GP and local A&E departments being swamped by non-emergency admissions, are also threatened by the closure of Samuel Johnson Community Hospital minor injuries unit and a reduction in beds.


Shortly after the broadcast Lichfield MP Michael Fabricant tweeted:
‘Great to see @HelenStokesLam of @rcgp on #Peston. She is my GP in #Lichfield!’

In the run up to the 2015 General Election, Conservative candidate Mr Fabricant ‘ticked the NHS box’ by spending some time with Dr. Stokes-Lampard in her Greenhill surgery. At the time he said:
‘The work of the GP and their staff is the front end of our NHS – without their expertise, the system would collapse. I am hugely impressed. I hope to make use of my experience as a valuable resource when considering NHS matters in the House of Commons.’
In response to Dr. Stoke-Lampards comments and recent criticism of his government’s handling of the NHS by junior doctors, the Red Cross and patients groups Mr Fabricant made use of his experience as a valuable resource when he appeared on BBC’s Daily Politics. He said:
‘It is an outrage, the treatment that these elderly confused folk received in Birmingham last weekend. Blacking-up by morris dancing buffoons is an ancient tradition that I will go out of my way to defend.’

Commenting on Mr Fabricant’s lack of engagement in local matters medical a spokesman for The Cloisters Medical Practice said:
‘Like all Conservatives from the PM down, Mr Fabricant is talking out of his arse. And we should know.’

Lichfield hospital site to be used as NHS Park & Ride facility

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samuel-johnson-p-and-ride

Details have emerged of plans to transform the site of the former Samuel Johnson Memorial Hospital into a NHS Park & Ride facility. The future of the site has been uncertain since the announcement of the closure of the hospital’s Minor Injuries Unit earlier this month. A spokesman for Burton Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust commented:

‘With NHS hospitals in England collecting over £120m last year from hospital car parking charges it makes sense to look closely at this potentially lucrative use for the now defunct Lichfield site.’

A confidential report by the Staffordshire and Stoke-on-Trent Sustainability and Transformation committee highlighted the potential revenue stream that could be achieved by converting the hospital building into a multi-story car park for premium rate secure parking along side the existing 174 parking spaces.’

Burton Hospitals Trust continued:

‘With the closure of Samuel Johnson and the A&E department at Queen’s Hospital Burton the new parking facility will enable sick and injured Lichfield residents to drive themselves to the Park & Ride and take a regular Arriva bus service to the nearest available A&E department, currently the Royal Victoria Infirmary in Newcastle upon Tyne.’

Paul Mycock, head of Lichfield Patients Association, is outraged. He said:

‘I’m outraged. The charges are expected to be £95 per person per day for the secure car park with return ticket to Newcastle. With a journey time of almost four hours many critically ill patients and trauma victims are unlikely to survive the journey despite having pre-paid for their return trip.’

Dr Anton Declan, spokesman for Newcastle Hospitals Foundation Trust said:

‘We are delighted to confirm that we are a stakeholder in this innovative P&R2A&E scheme. The welfare of paying patients is paramount, each bus will be boarded immediately on arrival by a qualified veterinary nurse  who will assess all passengers. Those who appear to be still alive will be admitted for urgent attention to our A&E department.

‘For those unfortunate service users who have not survived the journey our new joint venture partners at Newcastle Co-operative Funeral Service will be on hand to take delivery.’

Lichfield Round Table has been approached for comment.

 

EXCLUSIVE: Glastonbury Festival moves north to new Lichfield site in 2019

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Low hanging festival fruit

EXCLUSIVE: The Glastonbury festival will be moving to Lichfield from its home at Worthy Farm in 2019, under plans outlined by its founder, Michael Eavis. He said the move to a site about 150 miles north of Glastonbury was likely to take place every five years to save the existing site.

Eavis revealed that he had identified the Lichfield location following news of the success of the Tom Jones spectacular and Cars in the Park in Beacon Park earlier this year. He said:

‘Lichfield has demonstrated that it has the drive and the infrastructure to accommodate a musical festival. I am arranging for one year off, say every fifth year or so, to try and move the show from Worthy Farm to a site that’s more suitable, I have to say Lichfield is that site. It will be Somerset’s loss but a massive gain to Lichfield even if it went there every five years, would it not?’

Eavis on the way to the bank

Eavis, who started hosting the festival at Worthy Farm in 1970, told the BBC:

‘We’ve got a wonderful product, what we do, and we can do it almost anywhere. I love my own farm … I might have to move it to Beacon Park eventually.’

Elusive insolvency avoiding event organiser tinyCows commented :
‘We don’t exist, but if the likes of Tom Jones or the Glastonbury Festival waft by in our direction we have a fuck off tent and we know how to inflate it. We’re up for it, we’re forming a new shell company on Companies House website as we speak.’

Tickets for Glastonbury Lichfield 2019 are on sale now, contact the ticket office @The_Garrrick immediately to avoid disappointment

Lichfield Glastonbury 2019

Lichfield man resorts to “attempted murder” to get wife medical attention

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A Lichfield man arrested on suspicion of the attempted murder of his wife has claimed that he took desperate measures to get his wife some much needed medical attention.

Local taxidermist Paul Mycock, 45, is accused of deliberately reversing his fully liveried Mitsubishi Pajero over his wife on the driveway of their home on the Boley Park estate. He said:

‘After driving around the streets of Lichfield demanding money with menaces with the nob mob [Round Tablers], I arrived home last night to find my wife in tears clutching her foot. She’d only gone and tripped over one of my stuffed beavers.’

Mr Mycock suggested to his wife, Pauline, 48, that they go to get her checked out at the 24 hour Minor Injuries Unit at the Samuel Johnson Community Hospital. 

From her ICU bed in Newcastle Pauline explained:

‘I said to Paul, we’ll be lucky, I’ve heard that our local hospital’s been closed down to prepare it for privatisation. If I’d suffered major trauma then I’d have had to go to our nearest functioning A&E Unit in Newcastle upon Tyne. For minor injuries you’re told to take a couple of paracetamol and visit the pharmacy a week on Monday. No-one’s going to be interested in my broken foot, I said.’

Mycock’s solicitor Jonathan Scroat claims that two weeks on the road with District 250’s Santa coupled with his wife’s excruciating pain left his client’s mind seriously disturbed. He said:
‘There is no doubt that the balance of my client’s mind was seriously disturbed by the failings of the Burton Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust when he led his injured wife out onto the driveway of their home and then deliberately reversed his car over her. 
‘Fortunately the air ambulance was on the scene within minutes and Mrs Mycock was admitted to Newcastle A&E within the hour.’
Pauline will not be pressing charges, she said:
‘Paul was just trying to get me medical attention and he succeeded. I just hope no one else has to go through this for the sake of a leg X-ray. I blame Brexit.’
‘On the plus side my ankle was only sprained after all,’ she added.