“Sex Cafe” proposals for Lichfield shopping centre

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Proposals for an “adult café” in Lichfield’s Three Spires Shopping Centre have been submitted to the District Council’s planning department for pre-application consideration.
Modelled on successful businesses in Thailand, such as Dr. BJ’s Salon in Bangkok, Swiss entrepreneur Bradley Charvet hopes to open the UK’s first “fellatio café” in Lichfield. However due to the UK’s strict prostitution laws Charvet has revealed that the oral sex will be performed by ‘erotic cyborgs.’

In support of the application Mr Charvet said:
‘Our research indicates that Lichfield is an ideal location, demographically the city has the highest percentage of jerk jockeys in the UK.
‘A 15-minute oral sex session with a flat white will set punters back just £50. Any patrons who work up an appetite can pay extra for a sausage roll or cheesy panini.
‘The cafe will be home to eight robots dressed in a variety of costumes including nurse, police, student and local councillor.’

Lichfield plumber Paul Mycock commented:
‘As a member of Lichfield Round Table I’m obviously sexually frustrated, but if you’re asking me to pay £50 for a 15-minute sex session with a robot you’ve got to be having a laugh. I’d only last a minute.
‘Although I’ve no objection to robot sex, I imagine it’s much like going at it with my Pauline. Before she ran off with my mate from the Table. I still miss him.’

Any comments on the proposals should be addressed to Jon in Lichfield District Council’s planning department, although the plans are expected to go through on the nod. #OurDay

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