Lichfield District Council should have included more gingers in the Cabinet, according to chairman of the Beacon Street Shadow Council in exile, BSTARD.
The controlling Conservative group added two new posts to the Cabinet at the first meeting of the local authority since the elections.
The new additions saw Councillor Helen Fisher take on responsibility for booking family holidays and with Councillor Doug Pullen looking after community he is the only openly ginger member of the eight person cabinet.
Cllr Mike Wilcox, leader of Lichfield District Council claimed the additions would enable a more folically diverse type of councillor to emerge.
‘We have to recognise that in our insular community, where dogs will bark at the unexpected sight of a visiting gypsy at Bower, many gingers can find themselves discriminated against.
‘As a result we are creating two new cabinet positions to enable gingers to put themselves in a position to be considered for a senior role.
‘Doug Pullen is startlingly ginger and Helen Fisher has clearly had bit of ginger in her in the past. Helen’s daughter, newly-
elected former musical theatre star Councillor Connie Fisher, is a natural ginger.’
But BSTARD chairman Sidney Sprite, 86, said he would like to see even more ginger diversity. From a dank and mouldy corner of his Beacon Street residence, the bitter and twisted, sunlight averse Newcastle United fan hater commented:
‘Mrs Sprite was a beautiful ginger in her day, but she was never able to come to terms with her colouration. “I’m not ginger Sidney,” she’d plead, “I’m auburn, maybe strawberry blonde in a certain light?”
‘That was before before her hair turned grey, she was only 28. I knew that deep down she blamed me for that; sticking my nose into other people’s business, quoting meaningless statistics, commenting on local issues from a self-constructed ivory tower build on sand but never daring to stand for office myself.
‘”You’re draining the very colour from my life,” she’d say. That was her little joke; she was always joking – a common defensive trait of a ginger. She died shortly afterwards, just to get away from me she’d have said. Jokingly, in her typically defensive ginger way. I miss her. Bitch.’
Councillor Pullen has welcomed his appointment to Cabinet. He said:
‘I welcome my appointment to Cabinet, the whole family is delighted.’
Doug’s wife is none other than fellow councillor Natasha Inez Pullen. The Spanish former lingerie model commented:
‘Clearly it’s different over here,’ she sighed.
No stranger to punching above his weight, Doug Pullen said:
‘As a cabinet member with responsibility for “community” I am determined to make a difference. Dog mess is a priority and I will be on the streets supporting Cllr Greatrix with as many black bags as he needs.’
Any ginger who has been disturbed by this article is advised to contact the Very Reverend Philip John @lichfieldLive