THE DECISION by Lichfield District Councillors to vote themselves an increase in their allowances has been met with universal approval by Lichfield and Burntwood council tax payers.
Council director Rich Dicking explained:
‘Councillors voted to increase the basic member allowance by one per cent to bring them more in line with other politically naive local representatives in the area.’
Dimbles mum-of-five Ashley Crouch, on her return from the Emmanuel Christian Centre food bank in Netherstowe, said:
‘It’s only fair that our local councillors should get an increase in their allowances, afterall it’s so hard to make ends meet these days. We are getting a 1.99% increase in our council tax this year, so yes, why not give half to the district councillors, to be honest, they deserve it.
‘And do you know what, if that council tax increase had been 0.01 per cent higher they would have been forced to hold a local referendum. Now I’ve got five kids by six different fathers to bring up, I don’t have time for no frigging referendum.’
Local cabbie Gurjit Chahal agreed ;
‘When I heard that the Independent Remuneration Panel, set up by the District Council its very self, had recommended that our hard-working members should forgo any rise because of continuing constraints on public expenditure in general and district council financial stringency in particular, well I can tell you, I was fucking annoyed.
‘Who do they think they are, these so-called Independent Remuneration panelists, telling our hard-working members to forgo any increase in their meagre life-sustaining allowances. Bastards, I don’t remember voting for any of you!’
Panel chairman Mr Ringam commented:
‘I only ever wanted a quiet life after retirement, I knew that a freeze on councillors allowances would be a very unpopular with the rate payers. We all know how hard-working all the councillors are, many of them actually attend meetings and some even read the agenda documents before hand. And that number will rise as their reading lessons progress.’
Council director Mr Dicking, displaying no sign of his vigorously pursued voluntary redundancy application explained:
‘In real terms this increase represents a mere £30 a year more for each councillor.’
Local naturalist Bill Oddly campaigns for endangered species and is fully behind the increase, he said:
‘For just £3 per month you could save a financially distressed councillor. A gift of just £3 per month- that’s just 10p a day- could make such a vital difference. For every £1 donated £1 goes directly into a councillor’s pocket.’
So incensed by the IRP’s recommendation is local Big Issue seller Pete ‘Big Gob’ Biggins that he has pledged to discard his magazines and collect full time for disadvantaged hard-working councillors. His mate Paul from The Malt commented:
‘Pete was incensed when he heard about the IRP’s decision, he stormed in here, emptied his days takings of £500 in coins on the bar as usual, picked up a wad of notes in exchange and sped off in his BMW 5 Series without a word.’
Anyone who wishes to read the inflammatory report can do so here