Boost for Chandlers Café as more Lichfield public toilets become available

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Following the successful launch of its coffee-shop-in-a-public-convenience in Bird Street, Lichfield based Chandlers expansion plans have been given a boost by a review of toilet facilities by the local council.

Lichfield District Council’s Leisure Parks and Waste Management (Overview and Scrutiny Committee) met this evening (Wednesday) to consider a report on the future of Lichfield’s public toilets.

Chandlers manager Steve Wicks commented:

‘We are aware that this review is taking place and that the Council Toilet Committee may elect to offload. We specialise in providing coffee, tea and tasty snacks in locations convenient to Lichfield residents. What could be better than having a hot drink, a chat with friends and then a quick crap on the way out. That’s the service we seek to provide.

‘We are particularly interested in the Lichfield Bus Station site where the Council estimates that some 310,000 service users have called in to take a piss in the last twelve months. We could easily double that number after a large Cappuccino and a Danish pastry.’

An internal working group of Council officers was formed to carry out a feasibility study for charging for toilet use in the future. The team is lead by elected member Harry Hardstaff. Cllr Hardstaffe said:

‘The number of toilet visits was measured by light-beam counters placed at shin level within the toilet blocks. The numbers were promising, but in the autumn the accuracy of the counters in each toilet block was calibrated by a series of 3-hour visual checks by my team.

‘Following my visual checks and later release from custody on bail, I concluded that the counters over-reported user numbers by a factor of 2 . No-one had realised that shin level beams were likely to count legs rather than people. Though in the Gents some lads were proudly recording a ‘3’ as they approached the porcelain.’

Faced with the possible closures the  Council Labour group leader Norman Stephen commented:

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‘You can’t, I say you can’t close all the district’s bogs. Chandlers won’t be interested, I say Chandlers won’t be interested in serving cappuccinos in the Burntwood shitters. If the Sankey’s Corner pisser closes the galls ’ll be spraying, I say spraying, up the chippy door on a Friday night.’’

As a substitute for the other closed sites the Council has considered a Community Public Toilet Scheme which  allows members of the public to use the toilet facilities in a range of approved local businesses.

Such a scheme is already being piloted in the City by The Malt Bar and Restaurant in Wade Street. With street level access via double doors opened by whoever is unwittingly sitting closest to them, the ground floor disabled toilet is a short wheelchair roll across a level wooden floor unobstructed by the three regular customers. The pretty blonde girl who works on a Saturday commented:

‘I’ve left. And stop following me.’

A decision on the future of the district’s toilets is expected within the next few weeks. Chanders Mr Wicks is confident that his coffee toilet chain will be expanding:

‘This is an exciting time for us, we intend to re-brand our outlets as ‘Chandlers Craperies.’

Anyone who may be double incontinent and unable to visit the City centre without relieving themselves every five minutes can download a few sheets of toilet paper at

http://www.lichfielddc.gov.uk/meetings/meeting/921/operational_services_leisure_tourism_and_communications_overview_and_scrutiny_committee

 

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